Are You Lonely?

                   I happen to be sitting beneath a beautiful moon only hoping that the other person sitting beside me would walk away so that no one would see me sulk. I don’t do this often, but whenever I do in fact sulk, I prefer that no one sees me because I am the type of person that would keep other people happy and be sad all alone.

                  The problem with being me is that you get left out. That is correct. If you happen to be one of those people who keep other people happy and in turn get hurt yourself occasionally well then welcome to my club (opening shortly).

                  Well lets talk about you using me as an object because I think that you’ll be able to relate to this. I am what some people would call well known or someone who thrives on people, but that is only because people know me and I happen to know them. It does not mean that I happen to be friends with each and every one of them. It only means that I know them. I happen to have a very small selection of friends and to be completely honest, if they weren’t here, I would probably have gone insane. 

                    I know that its bad to judge people, but I can’t help it. I just notice on small things which people won’t notice at the first instance. I judge them, and then decide whether they are appropriate for me to hang out with. This process limits my options to a few hand full. 

                    What hurts the most is that people whom you care about don’t feel the same way. No one notices you are gone. No one notices that you were there in the first place. Its like you have an invisible mode which you can easily switch on and off.

                    It hurts when no one cares. It hurts even more when you realise that you are lonely. I’ve been there and I know that it hurts. I know that you might think that you have no one to count on. But then again who does.

                    I envy those who have found proper groups as I have none. I come and go and thats all I do, at times wondering would it even have made a difference if these people knew me. 

So coming back to the actual reason of the blog, if you can relate to this, you are lonely. If not, you aren’t as simple as that. 

If you are lonely, don’t worry, you’ll find someone someday. Thats the motto I have decided to live with.

Lost....

                  The concept of a soulmate used to bug me till I met her. I thought that the concept was very vague and cheesy and that it could happen only in movies but the something out there wanted to prove me wrong and there she was. She was something out of this world and I had fallen for her big time. I knew that cause every time she was around I felt nervous and my heart would start pounding. It took me some time before I got talking to her and found out what an amazing person she was.

                  I kept quite around her as I was more of the shy kind, and kept to myself the things that I felt. Slowly we started talking and the more I got to know her the more I fell for her. As the time went by, my feelings got stronger but being the shy person that I was I kept quite. I wondered what my life would be if I told her how I felt, but then again I feared the consequences of telling her about my feelings. So I kept the feelings in me and confided in nobody.

                 One day while talking to her, this topic came up and I told her how I felt. At that time a million thoughts rushed into my head. They were scenarios of what would happen, what her answer would be, how would she react. Most of the scenarios were negative, only a fraction of those scenarios were the once which said that she would say yes. She gave me an unexpected answer. She said ok. She thought that I was cute and that she liked me as a friend. 

                  I think that it was the most embarrassing moment of my life so far. So the time came when we had to pick a college and we went to different places, we still kept contact which each other and one day she said it too. Maybe she was thinking about the thing I said, I did not know, but I guess that was one of the best things that has ever happened to me in my life. We tried to do a long distance thing but it faded away soon. We realised that it wasn't working and so we decided that we would forget about it and move on. The funny part about it was that we still talked to each other for hours at a stretch and never got bored. 

                   I was bored today and wanted to talk to someone. I wanted to call her for some time now and I thought that now would be the best time to do so. So I called her only to know that she wanted to call and talk to me too. I was nostalgic when I heard her voice after a long time and all the memories of talking to her came back rushing to me, although she never accepted the fact that she missed me too but for some reason I knew that she did. Listening to her talk made me happy and I wonder about the concept of soulmate and if I had lost mine...