Dead Happiness

"Make people laugh and you'll be happy."
That was the motto that I used to live by before it struck me. The person who sad that only cared for his happiness. I did what I was asked to do. I made everyone around me happy. I made them laugh. I became happy because I was able to bring joy and happiness around me. But as the time passed on, this happiness started to recede and it was too late before I realised what had happened. My happiness had started to decay. Making people happy was a part of my routine. I did that without any hesitation. Many a times I ended up making a fool out of myself. People became so sued to me making them laugh that whenever they would see me, they'd expect some sort of joke. They would stop just for a laugh. No one cared for me. The real me.
I got sick and people would only call when they would realise that they had not had a good laugh for sometime. No one cared for the person behind the comical nature. I thought I'd be different, I thought I'd stand out, but then I realised that I was just another brick in the wall of society. I was used too this, I decided to give it another try. I knew the final result of my endeavours but I still continued making people laugh. I joked around till my happiness was dead. My soul was dead. 

That Awkward Moment

    I don't think that it happens with everyone but then I don't believe that. Our lives are filled with awkward moments that we love to avoid and love to watch if someone we know is stuck in one. There are many many kinds of awkward moments that every one has faced once in his lifetime. For example , meeting a relative for the first time and answering all the uncomfortable questions and then the awkward pause. The silence. The moment when you accidentally bump into someone you knew after a long time and don't remember the name. The silence which ensues is awkward. (That happens with me all the time.)
   But regardless of that, because of the various social sites, you are connected to your old friends and that is good. But when people start chatting with an old friend, about whom you know nothing that has happened in the past years get highly awkward. Today I encountered such a problem and had to resort to : "so... what new? "  and if the person had not gone offline then, I would have ended up using that phrase at least a dozen more times.
  And believe me, this happens 80% when you are talking to the opposite sex because you don't know how they would react. Or maybe its just me. The worst thing is when the message has been seen by the person and you don't get a reply. Maybe I am just being a little too dramatic. Yes maybe I am.

Life in Campus

           I think this is perhaps the most exciting phase in anyone's life who has been to a college. There is something about the campus life that is just thrilling and adventurous in its own way. Whether it being running away from the wardens after doing something wrong or searching for the birthday boy with thick slippers in hand ready to strike, something about the college life and the hostel life that becomes an integral part of one's life. Its been almost ten months that I moved to my college and have been living in the hostel but I've had my share of experiences.
           Lets start of with our initiation week where everyone is extremely friendly, people making groups and exploring the campus. Every guy staring and wanting to get the hottest or the prettiest girl, so basically everyone is happy and joyous in the first week at least. By the time the second week arrives, some people take refuge in their own rooms and come out seldom only for food or at very rare occasions to attend some class.
           There are some people who blend in with everyone and are often seen around with a bunch of people in the morning and with some totally different people in the evening. Makes me wonder if those people would ever find true happiness but about that later, then there are people who actually make extremely good friends in the first couple of weeks itself and there friendships tend to last more. There are some who might get into a relationship within the two weeks and someone who might be friend-zoned and be completely unaware about it.
            By the end of the first month, almost everyone is well acquainted with everyone in the batch and people also get to know about each others talent during that time. What I missed in all this was the introduction to our seniors and the things that they make us do. Its fun, and they intend to do all that only for some fun, but then there are some people who would go crying about this innocent fun and get seniors in trouble which would ruin the relationship of the two batches, slightly ruining the fun of college life.
           Then comes the time of exams where people are running all over the campus in the morning trying to find the nearest and available nerd who would be willing to teach them and at night the campus is noisy with the microwaves voices, people trying to mug up  concepts, some room filled with six to seven people doing a group study and so on. After the first exam, everyone gets to know who is who and everyone becomes sad who did not perform well for the exams.
           After the end of the first semester, everyone becomes happy as they get to go home and that is the time where if you are left out at the university, you get the best speed over wifi, but the food is still shitty and the university becomes a ghost town. Oh yes, I forgot to mention about the food, it horrible half the times, its only good when some important person is visiting or when there is some special occasion.  Other than that, people reply on junk food like maggie, wai-wai or some other noodles.
          There are times of intra college competitions when the college also seems to come back to life as everyone seems to running around cheering for their house to win. Another exciting part of college life is the fest. Students using their contacts or getting contacts from somewhere and putting it to good use by calling people and inviting them for the fest.
         Some people do nothing, well most people do nothing and some of them do but get little or no credit but in the end its fun. There are some teachers who are fun and there are some who are made fun off. Teachers who keep snooping in rooms and teachers who themselves do weed. There is always a shady guy in every batch, a chatty guy, a guy no one likes but still keep him around because his services might be of some use, and some guy like me.
        All in all the hostel life is something that makes a smarter, lazier or a better person out of you and I am lucky to have good friends to enjoy it to the fullest.

Are You Lonely?

                   I happen to be sitting beneath a beautiful moon only hoping that the other person sitting beside me would walk away so that no one would see me sulk. I don’t do this often, but whenever I do in fact sulk, I prefer that no one sees me because I am the type of person that would keep other people happy and be sad all alone.

                  The problem with being me is that you get left out. That is correct. If you happen to be one of those people who keep other people happy and in turn get hurt yourself occasionally well then welcome to my club (opening shortly).

                  Well lets talk about you using me as an object because I think that you’ll be able to relate to this. I am what some people would call well known or someone who thrives on people, but that is only because people know me and I happen to know them. It does not mean that I happen to be friends with each and every one of them. It only means that I know them. I happen to have a very small selection of friends and to be completely honest, if they weren’t here, I would probably have gone insane. 

                    I know that its bad to judge people, but I can’t help it. I just notice on small things which people won’t notice at the first instance. I judge them, and then decide whether they are appropriate for me to hang out with. This process limits my options to a few hand full. 

                    What hurts the most is that people whom you care about don’t feel the same way. No one notices you are gone. No one notices that you were there in the first place. Its like you have an invisible mode which you can easily switch on and off.

                    It hurts when no one cares. It hurts even more when you realise that you are lonely. I’ve been there and I know that it hurts. I know that you might think that you have no one to count on. But then again who does.

                    I envy those who have found proper groups as I have none. I come and go and thats all I do, at times wondering would it even have made a difference if these people knew me. 

So coming back to the actual reason of the blog, if you can relate to this, you are lonely. If not, you aren’t as simple as that. 

If you are lonely, don’t worry, you’ll find someone someday. Thats the motto I have decided to live with.

Lost....

                  The concept of a soulmate used to bug me till I met her. I thought that the concept was very vague and cheesy and that it could happen only in movies but the something out there wanted to prove me wrong and there she was. She was something out of this world and I had fallen for her big time. I knew that cause every time she was around I felt nervous and my heart would start pounding. It took me some time before I got talking to her and found out what an amazing person she was.

                  I kept quite around her as I was more of the shy kind, and kept to myself the things that I felt. Slowly we started talking and the more I got to know her the more I fell for her. As the time went by, my feelings got stronger but being the shy person that I was I kept quite. I wondered what my life would be if I told her how I felt, but then again I feared the consequences of telling her about my feelings. So I kept the feelings in me and confided in nobody.

                 One day while talking to her, this topic came up and I told her how I felt. At that time a million thoughts rushed into my head. They were scenarios of what would happen, what her answer would be, how would she react. Most of the scenarios were negative, only a fraction of those scenarios were the once which said that she would say yes. She gave me an unexpected answer. She said ok. She thought that I was cute and that she liked me as a friend. 

                  I think that it was the most embarrassing moment of my life so far. So the time came when we had to pick a college and we went to different places, we still kept contact which each other and one day she said it too. Maybe she was thinking about the thing I said, I did not know, but I guess that was one of the best things that has ever happened to me in my life. We tried to do a long distance thing but it faded away soon. We realised that it wasn't working and so we decided that we would forget about it and move on. The funny part about it was that we still talked to each other for hours at a stretch and never got bored. 

                   I was bored today and wanted to talk to someone. I wanted to call her for some time now and I thought that now would be the best time to do so. So I called her only to know that she wanted to call and talk to me too. I was nostalgic when I heard her voice after a long time and all the memories of talking to her came back rushing to me, although she never accepted the fact that she missed me too but for some reason I knew that she did. Listening to her talk made me happy and I wonder about the concept of soulmate and if I had lost mine...

I Wonder

           I used to watch a lot of cartoons when I was young, actually when I think about it, I used to watch a lot of cartoons, anyway coming back to this blog, I vaguely remember some cartoon in which the bad guy said that he'd reform the universe in his own image which got me thinking.
         What if this universe or putting it mildly the earth that we live in is made is the image of someone? I mean look at the various time periods in history, we started of with a big bang, someone got banged, mistook it for gas and pop cane out the planets and the starts and the planet earth fell into place. For some time, it was still and had little to no movement inside till it decided to start moving around and make things inside it. Earth came to life with a simple cell, which evolved into various other species.
          As a toddler, Earth was rather peaceful and would stay busy in itself evolving more and more species. As it grew older, a little more intelligent creatures like us humans came into the picture, but we weren't smart back then. The Earth astounded us and gave us everything required for our survival. The Earth had everyone under check back then and was more organised as a child, the bacteria made its own food, the algae ate bacteria, the fish ate the algae, then came us Humans eating smaller animals and plants and at times if we got lucky we ate a dino, and then dinos ate us and they weren't large in numbers (the carnivores) so everything was balanced.
         Then somehow our planet got a cold and we had an ice age for some time, and also I think that there was this asteroid that wiped out the dodo, and other big dinosaurs. Earth was careless and we humans took control of the planet. Somehow because of the disappearance of the dinosaurs and the dodo, we started roam and soon we were everywhere.
         The Earth soon hit puberty and became rebellious in nature and made the humans rebellious too as soon there were wars, people fighting to rule the world, more wars and death everywhere, people learned about democracy and others things after the death of millions of people. Also the Earth got sick once again and the plague swept a large part of the Earth's population.
         The adolescence passed and the Earth became stable again and the humans rebuild whatever was left after the war. Now that we are in the 21st century, I like to think about it as the Earth is 21 years old and is now giving humans ideas for a better, brighter future. Earth is also showing the signs of decay and growing old and we humans see of it as global warming. 

Silence...

          So lately my friend has been giving me the silent treatment and I was trying to figure out a way how make her talk. During all the ideas that I got and all the plotting and scheming I realised that I could not make her budge as silence was a very powerful tool, especially when used properly. 

          Silence is a powerful thing indeed, it could help you attain peace or it could make you go crazy. Silence signifies many things like giving or paying respect, accepting ones fault and apologising for the same, to show that you are at peace with yourself and with your surroundings. 

          Everyone in their lifetime has been caught doing something that should have not been doing and in the process have been scolded for the same. People remain silent while accepting the punishment to show that they feel guilty for going what they did and that they would try and not do that thing again.

          Silence at funerals is a way of showing respect to the departed and hoping that the soul finds its way to become one with the universe. Silence while praying is to give undivided and unparalleled attention to the prayer and to pray with all the soul.

          Silence at most of the situation in our lives is a necessity as it provides you with peace of mind that is unattainable else wise I my sled prefer to be silent and go around doing my work as it makes me relax and work more efficiently. Silence it a other side of coin which contains both communication and silence. Some people prefer the side of communication while some prefer the silence side of the coin, They go hand in hand, a person has to be silent to listen to what the other person is trying to say. No one can listen and talk at the same time. If there was no silence in this world, all there would be is noise and the human race would perish faster than the dodo.

          I guess what I am trying to emphasise is that people should be more silent and listen to other people instead of going on and on about their own problems, try to listen to the birds chirping and the leaves rustling when the wind blows them and maybe by remaining a little silent, people might actually listen to their own inner conscious and be at peace, the only way one can be silent is by staying quiet. 

         Complete silence is not possible, you could achieve complete silence only when you dead or you go deaf, the only way a person can be silent and still stay alive is by trying to remain quiet and that is by people say that it sometimes it is best to stay quiet. 

Oh and as per my friend is concerned, I am pretty sure that she would be okay after we eat some chicken later.